So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
