Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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