The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
