my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
