why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
