Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
