Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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