Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
