dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
