you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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