Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize