So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize