OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
