she smelled like a LAN party
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
