using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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