We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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