is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
