I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and she was petting her beer can
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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