No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
