i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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