So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
