The best revenge is premature balding
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
