My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
