she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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