Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
