You're completely useless in the revolution.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
