I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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