The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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