i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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