i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
