She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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