You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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