you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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