Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize