It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
