Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
