Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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