She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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