There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ladies don't puke and tell
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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