We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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