she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
