Pappa wants mamma naked
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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