and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize