I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
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