he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
