im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
