just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
