11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
