Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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