How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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