i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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