I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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