My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
