I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
