Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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