Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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