its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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