no. you can't hotbox the world.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
