Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
