nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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