I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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