Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
