So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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