we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
