Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
