They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
