my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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