I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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