my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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